


Goodbyes and American Classics

by Asmicarus



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Classic Movies - Freeform, M/M, Nostalgia, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23926135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asmicarus/pseuds/Asmicarus
Summary: The night before his big fight with Arthur, Ash struggles to tell Eiji that he will now have to adjust to a life back in Japan. A life without him. He thinks it's a lot like a movie he knows...
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Goodbyes and American Classics

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everyone! 
> 
> This will be my second story for this lovely fandom. I really hope you enjoy it! :)  
> As always, please feel free to point out any mistakes in spelling/ punctuation/ grammar or anything you thought you would have liked done differently! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Banana Fish or the movie Casablanca in ANY capacity, and any relations to persons living or dead are completely coincidental. 
> 
> Please Enjoy! :D

It wasn’t often in his relatively short life that Ash Lynx had the luxury of silence. In fact, it rather unnerved him when he finally did settle down for some peace and quiet. Usually silence meant suspicion when working in the environment he was not-so-lovingly thrust into. In the frantic rush of his everyday comings and goings, it was always the case that erratic hustle and bustle moved around him. Sometimes he felt like a solitary rock, tall and steady in a raging ocean. Proudly standing his ground as the chaos and power of the waves roared around him, and no matter how he was thrashed or hit, he remained unmoved.

It was a particular anomaly that nothing, to his knowledge, was going on. He supposed he was simply a product of his troubled upbringing. Since childhood, he was constantly looking over his shoulder, checking around corners and ensuring nothing was under his bed. It was common for children to fear monsters hiding within the comforts of their bedrooms. For Ash, however, the luxury of being assured that monsters were not real wasn’t an option or a reality. It seemed evil beasts followed him everywhere he went. Whether the monsters in his bedroom be the lowest scum of the streets or businessmen with a net worth more than small nations. Each of them was their own species. Some would consider him lucky the evil that lurked around him had yet to consume him, to which Ash would take that claim with a pinch of salt and thought that he had to get lucky time and time again. His demons would only have to get lucky once to kill him. He decided then that he would make his moves, not relying on luck, but increasing his odds. Doing everything he could to survive.

The weight of those odds weighed on him particularly heavily sometimes, and on occasion he thought the burden would surely crush him. However, if he considered his life a dark corridor, there were also spots of light within his existence that came to guide his way. Perhaps they were people he’d met, or fleeting moments of happiness the universe had decided to grant him as apology for dealing him a terrible hand. He knew at this very pinprick of time in the infallible grand scheme of things, the moment he was living in right now was one of those very rare glimmers in the grey.

This new, tiny light of his burned ever so brightly, and Ash was like a helpless moth to flame. The diamond in the rough of his reality had a name.

Eiji Okumura. 

It was Halloween night, and despite his hatred of the holiday, Ash found himself intoxicated by the warmth of being in Eiji’s presence. A warmth that settled within him, took his jitters away, and released all the tension in his body so he could finally take a moment to relax. He knew it must have been Eiji having that effect on him, because the durgy nature of their surroundings certainly wasn’t doing anything to contribute to a generally uplifting or content atmosphere. Ash took a moment to look around the apartment he had temporarily rented. The walls were all washed white, that over time had turned an ugly grey due to lack of care and maintenance. It had the knock-on impact of making the whole place look dirty. Below the walls, the skirting boards were peeling away, leaving exposed rotting wall open for all the world to see. The hardwood floors beneath their feet were chipped and damaged, and Ash could have sworn he had received more splinters invading his toes in these few days than he ever did playing barefoot in the woods with Griff as a kid. All this aside, the place itself would have been considered far more liveable if it weren’t for the grim furniture assaulting the space.

As Ash saw it, furnishing to a house could do one of two things. Firstly, it could make the space look inviting and comfortable, urging the occupants to spend time there. Or, in contrast, it could repel people from wanting to indulge in something so basic as the simplicity of sitting down. It was needless to say, the place they currently occupied wasn’t winning any awards for its Feng Shui. The couches were an ugly mustard colour, and wherever you sat you would more likely than not be greeted by a spring sticking into you.

Nevertheless, even with considerations of the off-putting furniture, Ash considered that it was the people that made a house more homely, and he had known a lot of these men all their lives. The people he chose to share this temporary base with were like family to him. Every one of them unique in how they ended up here, but all the same in the sense they were lost and needed someone to look out for them. Two of the people closest to Ash, Kong and Bones, were fast asleep on one of the sofas, enjoying the comfort they found in simply a soft surface to sleep on. Ash knew that they did not always get to indulge in something so basic. He would make sure they enjoyed it. They deserved the rest. 

Ash and Eiji, on the other hand, sat side by side on the other smaller sofa, leaving the pair as the only ones awake in the early hours of the morning. It was a strangely intimate thing to sit beside one another. To be in each other’s space. Each of them were so painfully aware of the other right beside them, that the strange tension sat between them like newly settled snow… or perhaps it was just the knowledge surrounding the circumstances of their being here that made the silence between them so deafening.

It was just a few days ago that Shorter had lost his life, and it was like someone had extracted the vibrancy from their little group. He was a puzzle piece no one could replace. An empty void where he had been remained wherever they went. No more did they wake to smell five spice emanating from the kitchen as Shorter cooked, hear the same CD he would play over and over until Ash was sure it would burn out, or even simple things like his infectious laugh remained amiss. Although Shorter was gone, the phantom presence of his habits remained as a reminder to them all that there were dire consequences to digging up this kind of information, and in perusing these leads.

Ash could feel the lack of Shorter’s presence as he spared a sideways glance towards Eiji. He tried to stop himself thinking back to the horrific moments before Shorter’s death. He could see cuts from the blade Shorter had used on Eiji’s arms. After losing his best friend, Ash knew if anything were to happen to Eiji, the loss that would hit him would never be recoverable. The open sore that would brand his heart would never heal. To think a man who emitted such a light as Eiji could be extinguished due someone such as Ash, and the actions he chose to take by putting him in danger… He could not stand to think about such a fate as Shorter’s befalling Eiji.

On the ratty couch they shared, the TV was turned on at a low volume, as not to disturb the sleeping pair next to them. A classic movie everyone had seen but no one remembered acted as vague background noise to the silent storm stirring within Ash. With Shorter playing heavily on his mind, the urge to suddenly protect Eiji from the world had never been quite so strong as it was now. Sometimes Ash needed to prove to himself that Eiji was tangible. That he was really here and wasn’t just an image in Ash’s head he had created to offload his inner turmoil onto. An imaginary friend to help deal with the grief he was trying so desperately to push away. Feeling the need to reaffirm Eiji’s presence, Ash stretched a careful arm over the back of the sofa, so Eiji rested within the circle of his space. The other didn’t look at him strangely or even questioningly, he just seemed to understand what Ash wanted and leaned in so he pressed ever so slightly into his side. His weight next to him was a comfort in confirming Eiji was okay with the initiation of touch, so Ash draped his forearm down over his shoulder.

The movie on TV was reaching its climax, but Ash could tell that neither of them were truly invested in whatever was going on. They both had too much on their minds.

Ash had been making some important decisions lately. He had concluded today that the best thing for Eiji, no matter how much he internally rejected the notion, would be a one-way ticket back to Japan. It was the only logical thing to do. He thought perhaps subconsciously he was mourning his loss before Eiji had even left. Selfishly basking in the opportunity to hold him one last time. Eiji too must have sensed something off, because his face had looked more melancholic than usual, even as they were celebrating and eating the food he had so kindly prepared. The expression wasn’t so extreme Ash could see it in his face, it was more like he was seeing it in those wide brown eyes. They said that eyes were the window to the soul, and Eiji’s windows were clear as the day Ash had met him in that seedy bar.

Eiji was troubled by what had happened, and Ash knew then and there it was selfish for him to damage the boy further. Only he truly deserved that burden. He would take on the weight of all the underworld’s sin if it meant that that one person he held so dear would be safe, and more importantly, so he could be happy. Ash knew that safety and happiness were not exclusive to one another, but he wanted both for Eiji.

Before them, the television cut to static as the early morning’s programming ended, as if it was giving them a prompt to discuss whatever it was that was going on between them. The unspoken next moves Eiji would know Ash had been planning the whole night. Ash supposed he should have taken the hint to open conversation, but instead he picked up the remote and silenced the crackling of the TV static. The screen went black and he could see his reflection staring back at him. Next to him, Eiji yawned, and Ash spoke softly, as not to wake Kong and Bones from their dreams.

“You should go to bed. It’s early.” The combination of proximity and the whispering tone of Ash’s suggestion lent an intimacy to their small bubble of conversation.

“Yes, I probably should. Will you go to bed afterwards? I’ll keep the bedside light on for you.” Eiji replied, just as softly. Ash wasn’t used to feeling so strongly for someone just considering him enough to keep a nightlight on for him. Feelings welled in his chest, threatening to spill over.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m a big boy, I can make my own way to bed.” Eiji threw him a cheeky smirk.

“Really? In that case, I won’t be the one patching you up when you trip and fall in the dark!” Ash couldn’t help but smile. It must have been infectious because Eiji soon joined him, those dark eyes softening before he pushed himself up from the sofa with a groan.

“Goodnight, Ash.”

Eiji began to retreat into the darkness of the adjacent corridor leading to their shared room, and the sudden separation from him for only a few seconds made Ash’s instincts recoil. He stood almost violently to call after him.

“Eiji…” The inky blackness of Eiji’s hair had almost begun to disappear into the shadows, when he turned back to regard Ash with curiosity.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, a hint of concern timbering the prying gentleness of his voice. Ash could do nothing but stand there, stock still and staying quiet. Not uttering a word. Looking at Eiji now from the top of his head down to his socked toes, may be the last chance he’ll ever get to see him before he flies home to a life of normalcy. A life he deserved, and a life that Ash could not give him, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

He just wanted to take him in for a moment. The dark hair atop his head, and his tan skin. He wanted to get lost in the depths of those dark almond eyes and never resurface. If the face of Helen of Troy could launch a thousand ships, he would destroy each and every one of them for the beauty that stood before him. Even when he said and did nothing, Eiji’s soul radiated from his body like heat from a flame. It comforted and warmed those around him. Ash wondered if it was selfish of him to want to keep the warmth of that flame to himself, even if it would eventually destroy him.

“Ash?” Came that questioning voice again. Ash only blinked back at him. He must have been staring for too long. He muttered the only thing he could bring himself to tell him.

“Tomorrow.” Eiji took a few paces forward, out from the protection the shadows provided.

“Tomorrow?” Ash never meant to cause him stress, but he reasoned that if he didn’t tell him now, it would only be all the more painful for them both when the sun rose and Eiji would wake to a life without him. Ash swallowed audibly.

“Your plane ticket. You leave tomorrow. Early.”

Eiji’s lips fell open slightly and his eyes widened. Ash could see the magnitude of the new information taking its hold. His heart may have broken when he saw Eiji was struggling to keep his bottom lip from beginning to tremble. The pair stood facing each other in silence for a long while, but the quiet said so much between them. Things they wanted to spend a lifetime saying instead of a few short hours. When Eiji finally spoke, Ash couldn’t pin an exact emotion that caused the slightest vibrato in his voice. He was trying so hard to hold himself together.

“It’s… for the best.” Ash gave a small nod.

“Yes. Tomorrow you’ll be safe. You’ll go back to Japan.” Eiji winced at hearing the news again. He closed his eyes as they welled to blink away forming tears. In a singular moment, Ash had never hated himself more than he did now for causing this pain.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a baby-“ Whatever force was holding Ash to the floor released him, and he took steady strides over to Eiji to engulf him in his arms. To protect him from the anxiety he was feeling. Eiji turned his head and pressed his temple into Ash’s shoulder as a tear slipped down his cheek to dampen Ash’s t-shirt. He spoke with an unsteady voice.

“I just don’t know how I’m ever going to say goodbye to you.”

Ash had to steady himself at the admission, resting his cheek on Eiji’s hair. He knew this was the right thing to do. The only way he could guarantee Eiji’s safety, and the only way he would prevent him from more loss when the time came the monsters under Ash’s bed would finally come to claim him for a final time. He pressed his nose into Eiji’s hair and sighed deeply. He had to be strong now more than ever. Be strong for him as he had done for Ash.

“Maybe…we can practice.” Ash let the circle of his arms fall loose when Eiji retreated slightly to wipe at his eyes. The dampness of his eyelashes holding evidence of his tears.

“Practice?” He asked, steadying his voice. The corner of Ash’s mouth twitched slightly upwards as his expression softened.  
“Yeah. We’ll practice saying goodbye, so when it happens for real, we’ll be ready.” A small smile crossed Eiji’s face as a fond expression settled into his features.

“You really do plan for everything. You’re too smart for your own good.” Ash allowed himself a tiny chuckle.

“Of course I have a plan. You’ll see, Eiji. When you get to the airport it’ll be just like Casablanca.”

Eiji’s expression morphed to confusion as he looked up at him with a furrowed brow.

“I don’t understand. Is that English?” Ash gently nudged Eiji back a little further so he could hold him at arm’s length.

“You’ve never seen the movie Casablanca? It’s an American classic.” Ash’s eyes began to dart around the room, seemingly looking for something. Eiji tried to follow his gaze to attempt to discern exactly what he was looking for. Ash let out a small ‘aha’ as he spied detective Dickinson’s old, worn trilby hat thrown haphazardly on the floor next to everyone’s shoes. He made his way over to pick it up and dust off the dirt from the brown leather. Eiji watched him carefully, silently indulging Ash in his mad little fantasy. Ash returned to stand before Eiji and place the hat on Eiji’s head. It was a too big, but Ash’s heart softened a little to see him push up the wide brim to peer up with those wide, questioning eyes.  
“See, now you can be my Ilsa.”

Ash turned to look around again. He found what he was searching for when he grabbed Max’s oversized tan jacket off the peg by the front door. He swung it over his shoulders and pulled his arms through, bunching it up at the elbows so the length would sit comfortably around his wrists. He gestured vaguely to himself when he spoke.

“And now I can be your Rick.”

Eiji couldn’t help but laugh a little at the uncharacteristic childishness of Ash’s actions, even if he had no idea what dressing up and old American movies had to do with the current circumstance. Eiji forgot sometimes that Ash was as young as he was. He was so mature in so many ways that Eiji considered that he probably needed moments like this to stay sane. Eiji adjusted the hat on his head, trying to push the sadness he was feeling to the side.

“So, what does this have to do with practicing saying goodbye?” Ash then took Eiji’s hands in his, brushing his thumb over the back of his knuckles fondly. He looked down at him with a melancholic expression indicative of the loss and of heartache. Eiji recognised it, because he saw it in himself.

“In the movie, Rick takes Ilsa to the airport. He doesn’t tell her what he’s doing beforehand, but he promises her…” He pauses. “It’s for a good reason.” Eiji began to understand what Ash’s intentions were, mad as they at first seemed. Sometimes the emotions people felt got so big and difficult to manage they needed an outlet to express them in a manner they felt safe. Ash needed to project what he was feeling onto a different scenario. To dump everything he was experiencing onto someone fictional. Someone who couldn’t be hurt like he could. It was no wonder Eiji always caught him engrossed in a book. Filling that intelligent mind of his full of fantasy places no one could find him. He allowed Ash that port in a storm. He wouldn’t ask for an explanation for his actions. He knew this was the easiest way for them both.

Ash continued when he was ready, giving Eiji’s hands a comforting squeeze.

“When they arrive at the airport, he explains she is getting on that plane without him, because if she doesn’t, bad things will happen to the both of them. He tries to make her understand that although he loves her, there are some things he can’t protect her from. Some things he doesn’t want her to see or ever experience. So, he decides that the only way he can keep the one he loves safe, is for her to get on a plane and never look back.”

Ash’s look could be interpreted as pleading. Urging for Eiji to understand why he was doing what he was doing without the knowledge that Eiji already accepted his decision. Ash lowers his eyes to their joined hands.

“Then he tells her that no matter where they were in the world, and no matter how far they are apart…” Eiji hated the way his eyes filled with tears once again. He hated seeing Ash struggle. He hated that he thought he had to go through everything alone. He hated that he couldn’t be there with him through thick and thin. “They’ll always have Paris.”

Ash barely finished before Eiji tried to choke back a sob. Ash took him into his embrace once again, arms encircling his waist and holding him tight. Eiji cried. He cried until his eyes were red and sore and the tears had stained his cheeks and marred his face. Once Eiji had let himself go for a minute, he pulled back to let Ash tip up the brim of his large hat to look at him.

“But… we’re not in Paris.” Eiji stated, and Ash brought his forehead to meet Eiji’s under the cover of his hat.

“I suppose you’re right. I wish we had the luxury of Paris. But if you can settle for always having New York, I’ll take New York in my heart everywhere I go, because I know that’s where you are.” Eiji had no response to that. He went back to resting his cheek against Ash’s shoulder, standing on his toes for his arms to encircle Ash’s neck. They held each other tightly before Eiji found the courage to whisper in his ear.

“In that case, we’ll always have New York.”

He cried silently for what felt like hours, the two of them simply standing there in the dark room savouring in the company of one another.

“Hey, you should go to bed. You have a long day ahead of you.” Ash pried gently. Eiji nodded against him before making the painful separation from the circle of Ash’s arms. He was emotionally, mentally and physically drained. He wiped at his eyes again before starting to make his way to the bedroom.

“Eiji.” Ash called after him as he did earlier that night. Eiji turned around to spare one last look at the boy he would miss so dearly. His blond hair like a golden halo around his head; his green eyes piercing his soul; his pale skin almost ghostly under the dim light. Ash smiled gently at him.

“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

Eiji said nothing and retreated to bed, images of the night playing on his mind.

When dawn peeked above the horizon to cast orange and yellow light over the apartment early that morning, Ash spared only one last visit to Eiji. He slept with a peace Ash had never known. The detective’s hat still resting over his eyes. Ash was very careful when he lifted it, so he could take in every feature of his face. The boy who had taught him that good people do exist in this godforsaken world, and that maybe for a short time, he was capable of something that wasn’t just violence. The boy who thought of him as more than a monster, more than a street rat, more than a sex toy. Eiji Okumura had breathed life into a soul he thought was cold and dead. As he set out to the train station for his showdown with Arthur, his mind drifted to the black and white images of Casablanca. Instead of the famous faces starring in the American classic, he saw only his Eiji.

Ash knew he would die soon, but he’d do it in New York…

…and they always had New York.


End file.
